I DO NOT RESPECT MONEY. I treat it as if I know more will grow somewhere around me. One could argue that I treat it as if it were air, always there to utilize when I needed it. I forget that not everyone has this outlook on money due to growing up with harsher financial upbringings than me. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been able to detach myself from the mental slavery that being in debt puts you in. Once you take the public value and popularity from it, you realize that it’s just another resource in life. Nothing more, nothing less. You’re a good person with or without it. So stop stressing. Make sure you have your basic needs covered and then utilize your time wisely while you are on this earth. Put yourself in a position to where you aren’t constantly worried about how you’re going to provide for your family and start spending time with your family. Trust me, I would trade in some of those clothes I had when I was a kid if I knew it would give me more family time with my parents. They worked double shifts to make sure I had what I needed. That’s an ultimate sacrifice. That’s their life. I’m changing the way I view money so that it doesn’t cause stress to my children when it’s time. You can live a happy life with less material bullsh*t. That’s a fact.
As I face my demons of financial illiteracy, it becomes a difficult subject to talk about. Mostly because so much of my self worth is wrapped up in how much money I make. It’s a continuing process to be like, nah I’m good with life. Simply being and enjoying life appears to be much harder than it should be. I always feel like I need to make more or move up that social ladder and give myself some validation from the outside. Validation does feel good but that can’t be the only thing that drives you. There is a richness to life that if you tap into it, feels way better than any vice could bring you.
For the longest I’ve felt that hardships in my life was due to some family curse that was laid upon my people. I felt like I was a second class citizen to white elites. I always felt secondary to their lifestyles. It seemed so foreign to me. So many emotions would rush through my body. I felt anger, jealousy, envy, rage, sadness, but now… I just feel free. I feel truly happy to liberate myself from the thought of me needing to obtain some socioeconomic status to feel one with myself. It’s crazy for me to sit back and realize how much sh*t I used to tell myself. How I wasn’t handsome because my facial features didn’t match that of a white man. When I think about attraction now, that’s the one thing people love about me. They love how different and universal I am. You have to embrace what’s inside you and love yourself. When others see and feel that energy, it’s attractive. Regardless of what skin tone you may have, it’s going to bring awareness to people’s lives. As my own spiritual practice grows, I hope to see more people loving themselves and not feeling like a second class citizen. One thing is for certain. This won’t be an easy life, but it’ll be an interesting one. Metta.